An Important Memo

Discussion in 'Division-66' started by Durroth, Aug 5, 2015.

  1. Durroth

    Durroth Active Agent

    To whomever keeps replacing the incan ritual statuettes with transformers, stop. Although annoying, "bumblebee" is not a recognized demon and does not need to be sealed bi-monthly. Likewise, The Areas of My Expertise is not the accepted holy book of any known religion, and incanting 700 hobo names is not a valid sealing ceremony. Stop messing with my stuff guys, this shit goes on my yearly evals.
     
    11 people like this.
  2. Durroth

    Durroth Active Agent

    2 people like this.
  3. Daedalus

    Daedalus Division-79

    I know nothing about this.

    Nothing.
     
    2 people like this.
  4. Treble

    Treble Senior Agent

    I've been subject to several, *ahem*, creative attempts at gun modification this year alone. I keep tell the recruits every year that if you want some kind of fancy gun, like a shotgun that shoots a sword, which then explodes into smaller, exploding swords, you either going to have to sell your soul to get a demon to make you one, or bribe me a couple hundred to let you use mine. Moral of the story, when you are working with machines whose sole purpose is to deliver death to all who would oppose you, poking holes in the firing chamber to get "sweet flames coming out of the sides whenever i fire it" is not only cool, but will likely burn your face off. I'm responsible for all cadet injuries that occur from weapon misuse, so these little experiments can get on my nerves.
     
  5. Daedalus

    Daedalus Division-79

    Combination to your personal vault still 4471356579213658575262168543129689533+689+625++89532+9638+326+53
    02?
     
    3 people like this.
  6. Treble

    Treble Senior Agent

    Yep, you cracked it! Hope you enjoy the two snickers bars and unsolved 150x150 sized Rubix cube I keep in there.
     
  7. Grim-Angel53

    Grim-Angel53 Senior Agent

    At least you haven't had to deal with curses running rampant. Revenants have started appearing in the shadows again. Someone keeps messing with the defensive runes, and keeps removing cursed items from the Record. It's hard enough to find it in the Library's Enigma Door, but when people keep moving them out of their cases and out of protective areas. The spirits and other shit in them are starting to wake up and cause problems. I already checked the other rooms. I'm responsible for the Cursed Items, and whenever the curses start acting up, I have to fix it.
    Be advised of the individual curses and their rules.

    *smuggles out a copy of the gun*
    *PMs Treble, "I made a quick copy, I want to research the properties of the projectiles and it's summoning mechanics"*
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 8, 2015
  8. Treble

    Treble Senior Agent

    *PMs Grim, "Just be sure you know that the autofire feature doesn't make the gun automatic, the swords just don't stop splitting. Ever. I've only fired that mode once, and administration had to redesginate that area as garbage incineration."*
     
  9. Obyrith

    Obyrith Senior Agent

    Well sounds like you, YES YOU! Need to purchase my patented quasi cybernetic multifunction demonic omnidimensional cryptofunctional Temple dog (patent pending) (as carried by Paris Hilton) .
    This compact canine protection device will alert you of any intruders presence with a high frequency alerts that will keep any would be intruders thinking twice about entering in the first place
    using my patented (patent pending) quantum entanglement security device (chain included) your lab will never be more secure than it is when this security device is installed
    responds to a number of preinstalled verbal activation commands and runs on our brand new pedigree fuel (tin opener required)
    Available for this once in a trimillennial price of 7 easy payments of £75 and one really hard payment of £75

    and what makes this deal even better buy now and you will receive my super secure computer software (Microsoft endorsed)

    to take advantage of this splendorous offer contact us by all and any available means by writing to bob at bobs back street job lot

    Or utilise the already installed blackwatchmen security systems in your lab Durroth

    sincerely
    obyrith
    Occult security research and development department
     
    3 people like this.
  10. Grim-Angel53

    Grim-Angel53 Senior Agent

    @Obyrith , apparently, the systems need to be upgraded, seeing as they can be hacked and deactivated by people like daed, who dont have the codes for it
     
    2 people like this.
  11. Obyrith

    Obyrith Senior Agent

    Well obviously the system was not used properly there's no way it was a fault with our department, though a full investigation is underway I personally will look into it after I have walked my patented quasi cybernetic multifunction demonic omnidimensional cryptofunctional Temple dog (patent still pending).... please buy one the departments budgets been cut.

    Impecunious
    obyrith
    Occult security research and development department
     
    3 people like this.
  12. Treble

    Treble Senior Agent

    Considering our current situation, I would advise against messing around in the code until we are sure our servers are clean of enemy intrusion.
    On a completely unrelated note, I have heard that Dispatch has released photos of the three captured mercs who assaulted the Vancouver base. If anyone would like to join me in putting the few hundred I printed out to good use, be at the firing range anytime tonight.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 8, 2015
    2 people like this.
  13. Grim-Angel53

    Grim-Angel53 Senior Agent

    *arrives at the range with my copy of the gun, and a newer gun that I've been fiddling with.*

    Time to play, who can get the most creative kill?
     
  14. Treble

    Treble Senior Agent

    *Removes a bolt action rifle from a box labeled "Hollywood"*
    *Fires at an angle behind the firing line*
    *Bullet sparks and ricochets off of several walls at perfect 90 degree angles, finally hitting the head of one of the targets in a spray of fake blood*
     
  15. Grim-Angel53

    Grim-Angel53 Senior Agent

    *removes shotgun from it's case, and calls in a Tediore brand SMG, which digistructs in right hand*
    *adjusts shotgun's firing rate and split ratio*
    *enters into range, fires with SMG once, and then throws down center*
    *pulls up shotgun, fires two quick bursts to the right and left before firing one more time at the center target*
    *swords fire out and begin exploding into smaller swords that hit right around the time the SMG finds the big center target and explodes on impact*
    *new gun is sent to my hand.*
     
  16. Treble

    Treble Senior Agent

    "I see you have a digistructing beacon too. Interesting"
    *Places several gun stands in a row*
    *Calls in several sniper rifles of different barrel lengths, with machinery around the firing mechanism. Places them in order on the stands*
    *Pulls out laptop and remotely controls each sniper rifle, setting multiple targets to move simultaneously*
    *Begins firing rifles. Each produces a different musical note, and the most destructive rendition of the can-can is played for about 15 seconds, after which the rifles run out of ammo*
     
  17. Grim-Angel53

    Grim-Angel53 Senior Agent

    "its a useful piece of technology, and Tediore's weapons are great explosives."
    *enjoys the firing can-can*
    "plus, the digistructing beacons can be used for supernal results as well."
     
  18. Nu Age

    Nu Age Senior Agent

    *door slams open*
    *enters with hand covering his ears*
    GUYS WHAT'S THAT RUCK....
    *eyes wide open in shock*

    Bordel de merde...

    *shrugs*
    les ricains...
    *leaves*
     
  19. Smillia

    Smillia Senior Agent

    So....maybe I shouldn't leave my Hello Kitty bookmark inside this folio of demonic summoning rituals that I've been going over?
     
  20. Treble

    Treble Senior Agent

    If you have any abnormal occurrences by doing that I'd be more than happy to blow whatever comes out back to hell.
     

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