Ha ha, playing pranks on the new guys is always hilarious, I get it, but someone replaced all my books on ancient occult rituals with Martha Stewart cookbooks. While I'm usually a good sport about pranks and I understand it's all in good fun, I'm not so sure the culprit understands exactly what they stole. A lot of those books have curses on them, and if handled incorrectly could bring about several thousand years of darkness and hell on earth, turn everything into cheese, or give you a seriously bad rash in some awkward places. So to whoever stole my books: please bring them back and FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY DO NOT OPEN THE ONE WITH THE RED COVER!
Ahh, another new recruit! Perfect! We've ugh ... lost a couple staff in recent events. Not that there's anything for you to worry about though. The bearwolves are back in their enclosure, the venomous spiders have all been flamed to death and the last I heard the teleporting kitten got turned to stone. Also, the pranks are some sort of "initiation" for newer agents. I 100% definitely did not have anything to do with it. Okay. I lied. I did. HQ is a big place so I thought I'd make it easy for you to find your way around with a little treasure hunt. How fun! The strange green leather-bound book is hidden inside one of the cupboard in the coffee-break room on the second floor. The yellowish one with all the Latin on is hidden behind one of the paintings lining the corridor on the fourth floor. I managed to sneak the tiny journal-looking one into Micro C before MidDipper shut it off during the kitten attack. You might have to convince her to let you in for it. The four volumes of "World Ending Rituals" are hidden in each of the four ventilation shafts that run through the main building. You might want to be careful of those... We've had a few accidents involving the rotating blades. We don't want you losing a finger in the first week of your job. The final red book that you speak of is ugh... Hidden in the bearwolf enclosure. You know what I said about not worrying? Yeah I ran out of hiding spots. Maybe you should worry. At least it's reassuring to know that the bearwolves can't read. I hope. Anyway, welcome to the Agency!
(Psst) I'll let you borrow an OMEGA Blue suit for that last one. I need to train a certain amount of people with the system anyways.
Micro C is closed to all Agents who have not completed orientation and safety training, and even some who have, considering how crazy things have been lately. If you'd like to schedule a time to come in and sign the appropriate waivers drop me a line, my extension is posted on the wall outside of the first set of doors. Welcome to the Agency!
Greeeeaaat. Well, at least you didn't open any of them. (You didn't, did you?) The one in the break room wasn't too hard to find, at least. Working on finding the one behind the paintings now. I might take you up on that offer Treble, thanks. Bearwolves do not sound friendly and that volume especially is not something I want laying around. Middipper, I'd be happy to sign the waivers and jump through all the hoops, but that sounds like it would take time and right now I really need to recover that book. I don't want to break protocol, but any way you could get it to me? It's the thought that matters, I guess. Thanks for the welcome, but maybe next time instead of a scavenger hunt, you can just offer me a tour. By the way, if you start developing a rash or speaking in tongues, I'd recommend either getting to a medical station or finding a way to isolate yourself until the symptoms pass, mostly for the safety of everyone else.
Treble we aren't killing the bearwolves. They're one of our greatest accomplishments. They just need to be trained a little more so they aren't so lethal. And hey, looks like this little prank will not only get our new agent familiar with HQ, but it'll also mean they have to get their safety training sorted. Looks like I did something good after all! And no, I didn't open them... I think I've caused enough trouble this past week.
That would have a good chance of ruining the book, I'd think. Illegible occult rituals wouldn't really be of much help. Plus I have absolutely no idea what effect that will have on that book, or on the space around the book. Could be dangerous. You can't just come drop it off?
Agent Amelia has been acting quite strange recently. She's shut herself inside Micro C and won't let anyone in or out. Perhaps you'll just have to wait for that one. It didn't look too important anyway...
I wasn't sure if it was some sort of strange material. An autoclave will destroy a book made of standard materials(paper, etc), so probably best not to do that. I'll have to quarantine it in a vacuum for a time in order to make sure no organisms are carried out with it before I can release it to you, due to Dylan's irresponsible decision to bring it into Micro C without thinking of the consequences of such actions. And, Dylan, you know perfectly well that isn't my fucking name.
@dylanamite the OMEGA Blue suits are designed to use nonlethal takedowns. They don't kill anything (at least they aren't meant to) which is why we still have a stock of teleporting cats
Oh, that's helpful then Treble. So much happened on my day off from HQ that I've found it hard to keep up. If you can do it without harming the bearwolves, then sure! I became quite friendly with them when I was stuck in their cage so I don't particularly want to see them dead. And sure Amelia. Sure.
That's fine, I don't think I want to go back there. It has a very unpleasant smell. And I'm not sure if that's caused by the organisms or not.
That's what cleaning agents smell like, Dylan. I'm not surprised to hear that you find soap, bleach, and their ilk unpleasant.
Just for the sake of knowing what I'm in for- Is every day like this? Found the right painting and got my book back, now apparently I have to go looking through the ventilation shafts. Well, I'll admit this is more of an adventure than I thought I'd have my first day here. Agent MidDipper, placing the journal into a vacuum should be fine, I don't think there should be any negative effects from that. Just to be safe, you might want to keep everyone a safe distance away from it, though. Dylanamite, if you feel so friendly around the bearwolves, maybe you'd be so kind as to volunteer to go and get my book back, while I'm searching through the ventilation shafts. After all, you put it in there, you should know where it is.
Um. Within the last week we've had to deal with all the bearwolves escaping, causing Agent Treble to deposit turrets around HQ which will pretty much shoot at anything that moves. That almost killed a new recruit. Then "someone" accidentally let a load of venomous spiders run around. That caused Treble to set the entire building on fire to scorch them. The same recruit almost died again. Then more recently we've had an Agent bringing a deadly teleporting kitten which somehow cloned itself here. That caused Treble to go all "omega" and take them down. The recruit might have died, but apparently he has a way of calming cats. So yeah. This happens a lot. Also, seeing as I'm near the archive, I can just hop down straight into their enclosure from the hole I burnt into the floor. We should really fix that. I'll remember to use a rope so I can get back out. Shouldn't be too much hassle. I'll get it back to you as soon as I can. Oh, and just so I know... What might happen IF I open the red book?
For the record, Dylan let the bearwolves loose, and brought in the spiders. Kakuzen is to blame for the kitten, but he's a sweetheart so I don't hold it against him.
Those turrets don't target anything it views remotely human. It was that guy's terrible hygiene that triggered the system. I also never set the base on fire that is slander. I only set one room on fire. And a bit of hallway. But the fires everywhere else were someone else's fault
